2 Dhul Qaʿdah, 1445

The first time I realized that I'm nothing special and delusional

When I started reading into the life of Imam Al-Ghazali (Rahmatullah alayh) I realized that this lifestyle of spiritual reformation is nothing to take lightly. The extent that a person has to go to exonerate themselves from the vexations of their nafs is tremendous.

I think al-Ghazali (Rahmatullah alayh) wrote this in his Ihya Ulum al-Din, but I found it in the biographical compendium Saviours of Islamic Spirit by Shaykh Abuʾl Hasan ʿAli Nadwi (Rahmatullah alayh):

Some of the mystics have observed that in the recesses of his heart every man nourishes the same feeling which found expression from Pharaoh when he said: “I am your Lord, Most High.” It is because of this reason that man finds it more pleasing to become an object of homage and reverence than to become himself a devotee or a worshipper. (p. 155, 1)

Man, I don’t want any parts of this sort of attitude but apparently it is inevitable. I read elsewhere that love of fame and notoriety is the final thing that leaves the heart of a learned person. This is troubling.